top of page

Shedding the Shoulds: How to be true to yourself in midlife

Writer's picture: Lori LisaiLori Lisai

The beauty of the estrogen dive happening in midlife is that we give a lot less fucks. And when that happens, it becomes exponentially easier to be who we came here to be. It's such a gift--this midlife phase--even with all the hot flashes, night sweats, and brain fog that often comes with it.


I like to call it the wild woman phase--a belief I thank my friend Dr. Johanneke Kodde for.


If you've been with me for a minute or two, you know that the wild woman really is about being true to who YOU came here to be.

It's about shedding the shoulds--what other people think you SHOULD do and just doing what you feel is right.


Even when it "makes no logical sense."

Even when it's messy.

Even when people judge you.


I had an incredible conversation about the wild woman on today's pod with Dana and Shayna of Dayluna along with my retreat partners, Maggie Thomas and Dr. Johanneke Kodde, and one of the things Shayna talked about was our undefined centers (the open/white shapes in your chart) as they relate to deconditioning.


*Remember, "deconditioning" is just another word for shedding the shoulds.


The Undefined centers in Human Design hold so much wisdom for us. They literally give us specific language for where we are shoulding on ourselves.


Because sometimes (most times), we've been doing it for so long that we don't even recognize it. Like saying "Yes" to everything because we have a defined sacral, even if it sounds like a fucking chore. (Learn how to say No here.)


Here’s a closer look at each undefined center, its potential challenges, and how to reclaim your inner wild woman by leveraging its wisdom:


1. Head Center (Ideas and Inspiration)

  • Challenge: Feeling pressure to find answers or solve problems for others.

  • Wild Woman Wisdom: Release the need to figure everything out. Let inspiration come and go without attaching to it.

Journal Prompts:

  1. Where do I feel pressured to have all the answers?

  2. What ideas light me up, and which feel like a burden?


2. Ajna/Mind Center (Certainty and Opinions)

  • Challenge: Striving for certainty

  • Wild Woman Wisdom: Embrace curiosity and let go of the need to be right. Your openness invites new perspectives.

Journal Prompts:

  1. How does needing to "be right" limit my growth?

  2. What would it feel like to embrace uncertainty in one area of my life?


3. Throat Center (Communication and Expression)

  • Challenge: Over-talking or feeling unseen when you’re not invited to share.

  • Wild Woman Wisdom: Trust that your voice matters. Speak when it feels aligned, not out of obligation.

Journal Prompts:

  1. When do I speak to gain approval rather than to express my truth?

  2. What would my wild woman say if no one else’s opinions mattered?


4. G Center (Identity and Direction)

  • Challenge: Searching for "who you are" (especially in midlife)or feeling lost without a clear sense of purpose.

  • Wild Woman Wisdom: Bask in the fluidity of your identity. You’re not meant to fit into just one box.

Journal Prompts:

  1. What labels or roles no longer feel true for me?

  2. How can I embrace the freedom of evolving day by day?


5. Heart Center (Willpower and Worthiness)

  • Challenge: Proving your value by overcommitting or overachieving.

  • Wild Woman Wisdom: Your worth is inherent. You don’t need to earn it. You are worthy just because you are a human here on earth.

Journal Prompts:

  1. Where am I over-promising to prove my worth?

  2. What does "enough" look like for me today?


6. Sacral Center (Energy and Work)

  • Challenge: Taking on too much because you feel obligated to say "yes."

  • Wild Woman Wisdom: Follow what lights you up and let go of the rest.

Journal Prompts:

  1. Where am I saying "yes" when I really want to say "no"?

  2. What tasks feel energizing versus draining?


7. Spleen Center (Intuition and Fear)

  • Challenge: Holding onto things (or people) out of fear.

  • Wild Woman Wisdom: Trust your instincts and release what no longer serves you.

Journal Prompts:

  1. What fears keep me clinging to what I’ve outgrown?

  2. How can I honor my intuition today?


8. Solar Plexus (Emotions and Sensitivity)

  • Challenge: Avoiding emotions because they feel like too much or you want to keep the peace.

  • Wild Woman Wisdom: Your emotions are a gift, and they are temporary. Spend time alone to see how YOU really feel.

Journal Prompts:

  1. Where am I avoiding emotional discomfort?

  2. How can I fully feel and release my emotions today?


9. Root Center (Stress and Motivation)

  • Challenge: Feeling constant pressure to "get it all done."

  • Wild Woman Wisdom: Slow down. Your worth isn’t tied to productivity (even though capitalism has trained us to believe it is).

Journal Prompts:

  1. What deadlines or pressures am I imposing on myself?

  2. What would it feel like to let go of "hustle" for one day?


I believe that midlife is the absolute best time of life to do this work, and the Wild Women by Design retreat is the best place to do it.


Because this work is hard.

Community is important.

And sometimes getting away--unfurling in a space that feels simultaneously luxurious and challenges you to be that wild woman--is exactly what you need to take action.


Listen to this week's pod, hear us talk about accessing your wild through Human Design and what retreats have done for all of us. It will be the best hour you've spent this week.


Midlife by Design podcast: No Shame, No Rules: How Wild Woman Wisdom Guides Your Midlife Awakening with Dayluna & Soul Synarchy



10 views0 comments

Comments


©2021 by Lori Lisai

Zen & Grit

Logo 2024.png
3.jpeg
bottom of page